
‘Ever since you took my hand, I’m on the right way.’
Psalm 16:11 MSG
These were the first words I read as I peeled my sleepy head from the pillow this morning. They resonate whole heartedly with what’s been on my mind recently. Reflecting back on the past few years sometimes I scold myself quite harshly, why did you rush into everything so quickly? Why didn’t you go to uni? Think about what you could be doing now if you had made a plan! Honestly Fiona! Anyone else find themselves doing this? Read on.
I crammed engagement, marriage, house and baby into three teeny tiny years starting at 20 years old. Before I continue, I beg you to understand that I count my blessings every day for these treasures in my life, I know how people struggle for even a single one and I don’t take them for granted. But the truth is, I did rush. I was rushing away from my mother’s death a couple of years prior, I was rushing away from really not having a clue what I was doing with my life and trying to outrun the fear of figuring that all out.
But my point is this, that’s my chosen path. I personally believe it’s the path God set me on (if you don’t that’s fine too). My thinking is wrong, not the path I took or the journey I’m on. I look back and think ‘what if’ but what I’m missing out is what happened as a result. At the time I was stuck in a rut, I wasn’t in the place to make decisions about my future when everyone else did at 18, I was petrified of all the options in front of me. So I chose a safe path, in a safe job, but oh the things I learnt. I was taught to preach by an incredible pastor and I guarantee that’s why storytelling flies from my fingertips each day. Yes I played ‘grown up’ all the way through getting married, moving house and even having a baby, but really, when do you ever truly start to feel like an adult?
Having Florence spurred me on to get my life together in a way nothing else ever would have. Giving myself permission to not ‘go back to work’ gave me space to allow a creativity I thought I’d lost to bubble up again. So when I get those thoughts about how much easier life would be if I had waited to have a child, ‘imagine how much more I could invest in x,y,z, if I wasn’t trying to be a mother at the same time’ I give myself a slap and remember that if I wasn’t a mother right now I guarantee x,y,z wouldn’t even be in the pipeline. The truth is, my decisions (or lack of) set me on a path, my path, and that’s just the way it should be. Other people’s paths look different to mine, some were able to identify what they wanted to study as 18 and now have wonderful careers and, if they want their path to go this way, marriage and babies and all the rest may well follow in a time that’s right on their journey. I was too scared to leave my mum and that was ok for my path.
What I’m trying to say is this, paths are different, may we have faith that we are on the right one and courage to keep treading it.
With love,
Fifi x
Love this, thank you for sharing xx
Thank you for reading lovely xxx
Fifi,
This is so beautiful! You’ve said the very things I’ve been feeling and haven’t been able to put into words. Thank you so much as I needed this so badly today. xx, Erica
Erica this has made my heart so happy, I felt really strongly that I needed to write this today and it was a struggle as I don’t usually get so personal. But your message is such a perfect reminder to me why it’s important to be honest. So glad to have connected on IG, the community never ceases to amaze me! So much love xx
I had a similar realisation a few years ago, when I was almost mourning the path I didn’t take, wondering what I might have been if I’d chosen differently. But I know I chose well. I think it was partly my own anxiety to not waste this one precious life – I always want to cram in more than there are hours in the day for! But realising that God is with me no matter which path I chose, and that he delights in seeing me grow and learn as I go – well that just takes some of the pressure off!
Thanks for sharing your heart. This was beautifully written x
Yes! Those are the perfect words, knowing God’s in control seriously does take the pressure off! I have to keep reminding myself to trust that. I had half written this blog post but wasn’t too happy with it and when I woke up yesterday that verse just hit me and I had to get the thoughts down! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment and share your path with me, we’re on the right ones for sure. xx
This is such a poignant post for me, as it mirrors some of my own life choices. But with such a beautiful positivity and clarity on why we make the choices we do, and why wishing them away is futile. LOVE, love, love it. A little bit of therapy on a Tuesday morning 🙂 x
Thank you lovely, I think you don’t realise how easy it is to be discontent with our choices almost subconsciously. I felt it was time to give myself a kick and recognise I am on the most amazing path and it’s because of the choices I made. So glad it spoke to you a little this morning, thank you so, so much for your support xxx
Fifi, I enjoyed this post so much.
I’m not sure I can really articulate what I want to say in a comment, so I’m sorry if this is a bit garbled!
I was listening to Alan Watts this morning, and he was talking about the fact that there’s no such thing as a bad decision, so not to fret about whether or not you made the right one. It sounds to me like you absolutely embody and ‘live’ that, and I personally think it’s marvellous that you truly believe that this is the right path for you.
I’m not sure what I believe, or what I believe in (some days I’m sure I know and other days I’ve changed my mind again!), but overall I know that regardless of the path I’ve taken up to now, my values are still the same as they would always have been – even if I’d chosen a different path to get there.
Thank you for sharing this, and for giving me something to think about today.
Flora
http://www.theeverchanginghome.com
Thank you so much for reading lovely Flora! That makes total sense and is really reassuring to me! It’s often only in retrospect I can really trust that I’ve not made the wrong choice but it’s so freeing to realise it. I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Fifi xx